From: fightdoc AT getnet.com (Stephen Green)
Subject: Poll.
Date: Sat, 4 Jan 1997 13:53:11 -0700 (MST)

        I may be a chug expatriate, but hanging for 11 months & 23 days out
of the calendar year should allow me to to leave my list.  So here it be (in
some kind of order only decipherable by me):

1.  The No-Talents- s/t LP (Wild Wild, France).  Bam.
2.  Speed- ...Is Really All We Need 7" EP (Real Records, UK).  Late '95, but
surface mail takes a while.  Still don't know if the singer is a
pre-pubescent boy or a girl, but I don't care.  These krauts made a badass
beat record.
3.  The Makers- s/t LP (Estrus, US).  They make the leap from "garage" to
"punk" (note the middle finger on the cover) and make us even forget the Tim
Maker era.  The line is that it was completely recorded in darkness.  I
guess it made all the hate vibes come out in spades.  Borderline '95, but it
held up all goddam year.
4.  Bobby Teens-  "Hey Roxy" b/w "Firecracker" 7" (Super*Teem, US).
Ex-Trashwomen & Brentwoods + a prince-valiant-haired mutant genius named
Russell Quan.  I wanna fuck you in the back of my car.  
5.  Donnas-  "Da Doo Ron Ron" +2 7" (Super*Teem, US).  Their personal Kim
Fowley Darin makes these Runaways actually pay into a swear jar.  Let's hear
it for creative restraint.
6.  Splash Four- Funbangers 7" EP (Royal Records, France).  They will be at
Garageshock '97, make your flight plans now.
7.  Registrators- Terminal Boredom LP (Rip Off, US).  Foll those about to
LOCK, we sarrute you!
8.  Guitar Wolf- Missile Me LP (Matador/Less Than TV, US).  Masonna's Evita
sucked, effects pedals and filters and sequencers detract completely from
the story of a mom and pop dictatorship.  Link Wray will always beat the
crap outta some dumb noise creep.
9.  Guitar Wolf- "Missile Me" b/w "Let's Get Hurt" 7" (Bag of Hammers, US).
Yeah yeah I just gave the LP a slot already, but goddam, the non-LP b-side
of a Teengen cover...  I mean shit, if *I* had the power, EVERY reference to
Nirvana would be replaced by "Mummies" and if you don't think the world
would be a better place... you're absotootly wrong.  If I didn't pick up the
Wailers tribute single when it came out, I might actually be saying Dr.
Octagon's "Blue Flowers" was "Da Bomb"...  Yeah fuck off, I CAN kick your
ass.  And yeah, that makes me superior.
10.  Ashley Von Hurter & the Haters- 10" EP (Over the Counter, US).  All
this degradation/don't it make you cry/fuck you bleeding hearts/let's try
genocide.  
11.  Barely Legal- I Am A Nobody 7" EP (Rat City, US).  That robot drummer
from the Statics and some friends make a single that reminds me of the
Frantix' "My dad's an Alcoholic".  Bryant laffed it off as a joke, a
toss-off.  Yeah well, all the great things were accidents anyway.
12.  Teengenerate- Wild Wild 7" EP (Wild Wild, France).  Recorded at the
beginning of their farewell tour of which I was lucky to catch about 50% of,
we got three covers of Belgium's Kids (They also covered a 4th "I Don't
Care" elsewhere).  Including one guest sung by Steve from the Devil Dogs.
All three bands are far beneath your contempt.  Thank fuckin' god.
13.  Drags- "Conspiracy" b/w "That Girl is Coming Around" 7" (One Louder,
UK).  I know how to live on the road, I am a rambling man.
14.  Armitage Shanks- Shank's Pony LP (Damaged Goods, UK).  Makes me want to
reconsider my political stance on football (err soccer, err grass hockey)
violence.
15.  Loli & the Chones- "Makeout Party", "Straightjacket Baby" 7" (Rip Off,
US).  C'mon.  Let's go !
16.  Phantom Surfers- The Great Surf Crash of '97 LP (Lookout!, US).  Johnny
Bartlett, we hardly knew ye.  Man or Astroman don't even compare.  Or Tortoise.
17.  Steve & the Jerks- Damned! 7" EP (Wild Wild, France).  The one key
organ rhythm line on "I Just Can't Get Me Some" had me air-tapping on my car
dashboard for weeks.  They made a jerk out of me.
18.  Reatards- Get Real Stupid 7" EP (Goner, US).  Last minute entry.  I
find it hard to believe that this "16-year-old" isn't in fact an Oblivian.
Said it ain't never felt so good said it ain't never felt no it ain't never
felt so good to not be IN.
19.  Hookers- 4-song 7" EP (Smut-E, US).  A pre-fab Crypt band from
Lexington, KY.  Ripping off the Motards, the Mean Red Spiders, the New Bomb
Turks, the Oblivians and more, and I don't care.  I'm still listening to it.
20.  John Schooley & His One Man Band- "Pretty Baby" b/w "Rock n Roll
Hootchie Koo" 7" (Goner, US).  See the Reatards.  The guitarist of the
Revelators covers Billy Childish & Rick Derringer and puts together an
art-punk a-bomb that at the very moment wouldn't be totally out of
comparison with the Electric Eels or Drunks With Guns.  Listen to on
headphones under the influence of deadly amounts of strained kerosene and
try to tell me different.

Honorable Mentions:
V/A-  The Best of Repent Records Vol. 1:  The Winners of the Vincent Price
Beauty Contest LP  (Repent, US)
Thee Wild Wild Heacoats- "Shadow" b/w "No Escape" 7" (Wild Wild, France)
The Distractors- 7" EP (Dime Store, US)
Guitar Wolf- "Satisfaction" b/w "Thunders Guitar" 7" (Bag of Hammers, US)
Problematics- "Bad Habit" 7" (bonus song edition) (Rip Off, US)
Perverts- "I Need You by My Side" +2 7" (Out Now, Holland)
Steve McQueens- Trini Trimpop, Get Off the Air +2 7" (Radio Blast, Germany)
Lightning Beat-Man- "It's Hip to be Fucked Up" b/w "I Hate to Dance" 7"
(Wild Wild, France)
Count Backwurds- "Rip it Up" b/w "Are a Boy? (Or are You a Girl?)" 7"
(Sumppi Wertheimer, US)
Chinese Millionaires- "Heart on a Chain", "Automatic Boy" 7" (Rip Off, US)

Back to my new, healthy, well-adjusted chug-free life,
-Steve